Perchance to Dream
by superfan24
Summary: Snape meets Lily in a dream where she has an urgent request: to save his own life.


Hello all! I'm so excited to be posting this story! It's been in my brain for a while now and here it finally is! This story is for my cousin, who believed in Snape's goodness from the first time she read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone when we were only 7 and 8 years old. She did enjoy her gloating by the end of the series... and it was well deserved. A big, gigantic thanks to TenderHooligan for beta-ing for me. Everyone should check out his story Closer that I'm beta-ing if you enjoy an angsty R/Hr story, and look for his new story I'll be beta-ing, Apart, sometime soon. And now, before I forget...

Disclaimer: Obviously, though it breaks my heart, I'm not the lovely and talented J.K. Rowling. Though I was speaking as if I were British all day at work, so there is that.

And now, without further ado...

They were not a regular occurrence. Severus was fairly certain if he'd had to contend with the dreams every night, he'd have done himself in, the Potter boy and Albus and even the Dark Lord be damned. The experience had been one thing. Seeing her body, crumpled and lifeless, and knowing he'd had a hand in her fate, was one thing. He'd cried his piece, let the grief and guilt consume him, and he'd gone. It wouldn't have done him well to be caught weeping over Lily Evans' corpse.

No… not Evans.

Potter.

Always Potter.

Though Severus surmised that was really neither here nor there anymore.

Yes, the experience had been gutting, to say the least. But the dreams would come, and force him to live it all again. In vivid detail. They always started the same. The Dark Lord would thank him for his most bloody helpful information, and then he would be propelled forward to her body, lying helpless before him, the wail of a baby a faint noise in the background. He never cried in the dreams; even though he only gazed at her death for a few agonizing moments before moving on, it seemed the child had enough tears for the both of them. It was in these dreams and these dreams alone that Severus acknowledged the boys pain could rival his own.

After the betrayal, and the death, and the tears, she would always come. And suddenly they were in a field, and if he gazed to his right, he could make out the park where his world began all those years ago. She would stand before him, in a white cotton sundress, because she was the epitome of goodness and light, her red hair bright in the light of the sun, and she would take his hand, and smile. For a few precious moments, Severus would gaze upon her, consider what might have been, what he could have done differently. He could see an entire life in her eyes that would never come to be.

Normally, Lily made a request of him. Over the years he'd promised Lily many things, and though it was only a dream, Severus never broke a single one.

To watch over Harry.

To keep an eye on Lupin.

To be civil to Sirius.

To be civil to Harry. ("He's still _just_ a boy, Severus, honestly.")

The list went on, and Severus was always ready to grant Lily whatever wish she desired; it seemed even in his dreams she knew he just couldn't deny her.

Tonight, though, he knew it was different. Once his memories faded and he came face to face with Lily, Severus knew this night was going to change everything. It was night, for starters, and his dreams always featured Lily looking beyond stunning in the dazzling sunshine. Her white dress had been swapped for black, and she looked fearful, as if even in death, she wasn't safe.

"Severus," she whispered, taking his hand and clutching it between both of her own. "Severus, you have to listen. There isn't much time."

"What's going on, Lily?" he asked, taking in his surroundings with the blanket of night covering them. He could feel Lily's fear rolling off her in waves, her eyes staying locked on his own before glancing around frantically.

"You have to leave this place, Severus. You have to go; run and hide," she spoke quickly, the words slipping past her thin lips in her pale face. This was not the Lily he had known in life. He had never before seen her this terrified, not even the night he'd found her body. Her face wore a fierce determination that night, as opposed to so many others who looked utterly horrified after receiving an _Avada Kedavra._

"Leave Hogwarts?"

"Yes. Yes, you must. You must, Severus," she whispered, grasping his hand in both of her own. "There is nothing left I can give to Harry. I cannot help him now. We both know what he must do to defeat Voldemort, Severus. We both know that he must… he must die. But you… You I can still help. I can still save you, Severus."

"Save me from what, Lily? What do you know?"

There was a time, perhaps, when Severus might have felt a trembling of fear at her words. Those days were far behind him now. This was a man who had nothing left to lose in the world, and would gladly give the rest of himself for a girl who lived on only his dreams. As it was, he only felt a mild curiosity at her words.

"He knows."

It was all she said, but somehow, Severus knew, the way you sometimes just _know_ things in dreams, exactly what she meant. And still, he felt no fear; just a calm resignation.

"The Dark Lord knows he is not the true possessor of The Elder Wand."

"He thinks it is you, Severus! He doesn't know about the Malfoy boy, how he disarmed Dumbledore," Lily agreed, nodding frantically. "Don't you see? He'll kill you for it. For something that isn't even yours! By tomorrow night, Harry will be back in the castle, and both sides shall meet and fight to an end I can't yet see. I cannot save Harry," she said again. "I can give him courage and strength, I can be there with him, until the very end and after, but the same is not permitted with you. So you must listen to me! Listen and go!"

Truthfully, Severus admitted to himself it would be easy. So easy. To leave. To run and hide like he always had. Albus Dumbledore was not here to protect him now. He was on his own, for the first true time since he'd decided to turn against Voldemort.

Of course, there were the children to think of. He couldn't just leave them under the watchful eye of the Carrows, even with rogues like Longbottom still hanging around and fighting in hiding. But more than all that, Severus still sought redemption for the death of the one person he'd loved more than anyone else in his entire world. The only person he probably could have ever loved.

It had been almost easy, living his life, to say it was all for Lily. After so many years, and he still wasn't over her. He could never be over her. She had touched a part of himself that no other woman could ever hope to reach. She had ruined him in the best possible way. And here she was, the woman he may as well have killed himself, begging him to save his own life.

Everything she'd ever asked of him, he'd done. He'd given all of himself. All he'd had to give. But this was something he could not do.

"Lily…," he began, looking away from her. He didn't need to continue. From her shuddering intake of breath, he knew that she knew.

"You're going to be noble, aren't you?" she asked as a single tear fell from her eye. He watched as it traced the contours of her face. That tear was closer to Lily Evans than he could ever hope to be.

No. Not Evans.

Potter.

Always Potter.

Severus looked at her and smiled.

"Perhaps for the first time in my life, Lily… yes. I'm going to be noble. I've been running from this for a long time now. I want to stop running."

"Severus… You… you must know, I've never blamed you."

"Perhaps not, Lily. But I've always blamed myself, and for that, I've always sought out redemption. I've done all I can do for you, I think. It's time for me to rest. Time for it all to end."

"You are a _good _man, Severus Snape," Lily replied, a second tear slowly sliding down her face.

"I fear this may be the last time I shall ever see you," he said as a single tear of his own slipped from his eye. "Where I'll end up, I'm not sure, but I'm certain you shall be in a far better place than I."

"You're far too hard on yourself."

"You've been saying that for many years now."

"It's been true for many years now. I'll miss you." The last was a whisper, barely a breath, but he heard it.

"I've lived my life missing you, Lily. But it's been a privilege. Truly."

The beginning of awareness was starting to creep into Severus's subconscious, and he knew in a few precious seconds her face would slip away and he'd be alone in his chambers inside the castle.

"Thank you for everything, Severus," she said, and as he looked on, Severus could see her going out of focus, going fuzzy around the edges. He grasped on to sleep, he only needed a few more seconds. He wanted to say it one time to her, even if only in a dream. Once, before awakening for the last time.

"I love you, Lily."

And with that, his eyes slowly opened, and looking around, he recognized his room. He was alone. With a trembling sigh, Severus sat up, rubbing sleep out of his eyes as he let out a shuddering breath. Every moment now was numbered. Lily had given him the privilege of being able to appreciate his last day on this earth. Everything would be new again for the last time this day.

He would finally get the rest that had so long eluded him.

He could finally stop fighting. Stop lying. Stop betraying.

But even in death, Severus knew without a shadow of a doubt there was one thing he could never do. He would never, could never, stop loving Lily Evans.

No. Not Evans.

Potter.

Always Potter.

But Severus would love her still.

Always.

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